Stephen Colbert ripped into the Trump administration over reports Vice President JD Vance held a strategy meeting Wednesday night to discuss how to handle the Jeffrey Epstein files.
“Top Trump officials will discuss their Epstein strategy at a dinner hosted by JD Vance,” Colbert said, pointing to a CNN story which names White House chief of staff Susie Wiles, and Attorney General Pam Bondi among the guests.
Vance denied the meeting during an appearance with the president on Wednesday, while Vance’s communications director, William Martin, told the Daily Beast earlier: “The CNN story is pure fiction. There was never a supposed meeting scheduled at the Vice President’s residence to discuss Epstein strategy.”
Colbert on Wednesday night was not convinced, arguing that if there’s one belief MAGA world has stayed consistent on over the years, it’s that “there is a secret cabal of top government officials who meet at shadowy dinners to strategize how to hide the sins of wealthy sex traffickers and pedophiles.”
The irony, Colbert joked, is that their theory may be true, but plot twist: the secret cabal is made up of politicians on their own side.
“Many things are shocking about that headline,” Colbert said. “First of all, this Epstein crisis has made Trump officials so desperate they’re willing to hang out with JD Vance.”
Colbert noted Vance’s denial that any such strategy meeting would occur, but added, “now they’re covering up the cover-up!” He joked. “This is worse than a conspiracy. It’s a duvet.”
Describing the dinner as the "Eyes Wide Shut supper," Colbert warned that many of the statements from Maxwell that may be released to the public should be taken with a grain of salt.
“Maxwell was suddenly moved to a minimum-security prison down in Texas,” Colbert noted, “And what do you know?... Maxwell told the DOJ Trump never did anything concerning around her. Well, then he’s in the clear!”
Even if it weren’t for the apparent quid-pro-quo at hand, Colbert argued, Maxwell’s vouch for Trump’s character still wouldn’t be worth much.
In a detective imitation, Colbert joked, “Good work, gentlemen! I know we all had our suspicions, but the convicted sex trafficker of underage girls didn’t see anything that concerned her.”
“No red flags for Ghislaine during her decade-long career of underage sex trafficking,” Colbert joked further. “She said right here in the transcript, ‘What was Donald Trump doing with Jeffrey Epstein? Nothing that concerned me, Ghislaine Maxwell, sex trafficker.’”
