President Donald Trump signed a “very serious” executive order banning ticket-scalping Monday afternoon, with a little help from Kid Rock. Trump also took questions for more than 40 minutes—on topics ranging from tariffs to Tiger Woods’ love life, naturally—as Mr. Kid (Mr. Rock?) stood awkwardly slightly off camera. As with every Trump presser, it was a lot, so I went through the transcript of the remarks line by line. There was praise for the recently-purchased White House Tesla (“I let the staff use it”) and praise for Elon Musk’s DOGE bros (“I like high IQ people”). There was praise for TikTok, sort of (“I was a great TikTok guy”) and even more praise for, well, himself. You have to read this quote in full: “Somebody said that about me the other day. He said, who doesn’t know me very well, they said, ‘you’re such a kind person.’ And I said, ‘Say that again.’ They said, ‘You’re a kind person.’ I said, ‘I’ve never heard that before.’ It was a weird statement. I was kind.” Honestly, same. Click through to see more of the quotes you need to see—and really, need to see to believe.
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