President Donald Trump’s personally appointed sycophants were not so subtle in their sucking up to him during a cabinet meeting on Tuesday afternoon.
In an introduction described as being akin to North Korean state TV, Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer invited Trump to travel to the Department of Labor and see his “big, beautiful face” on a massive banner she had hung from it.
“If you all haven’t stopped by the Department of Labor, Mr. President, I invite you to see your big, beautiful face on a banner in front of the Department of Labor, because you are really the transformational president of the American worker,” she said.
Chavez-DeRemer, 57, also praised the president for his takeover of the nation’s capital. She claimed that it allows businesses to remain open and protect their workers, despite local leaders expressing fear the crackdown will be bad for business.
Trump’s Middle East envoy, Steve Witkoff, made sure that Chavez-DeRemer did not run away with the Gold in Tuesday’s suck-up Olympics. He took things a step further to claim that Trump, who has deployed the U.S. Military against their fellow citizens, is the most deserving candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize in its 124-year history.
“Mr. President, working for this government, for you, is the greatest honor of my life,” he began. “I tell it to everybody, and I really do feel that way, and I thank you because it’s a privilege to go out there and represent you in your humanitarian effort, in your goals of solving conflicts all over the world.”
Witkoff then parroted Trump’s lie that he has ended more than seven conflicts this term, saying, “I think there were actually more than seven conflicts that you put to bed in the last eight months. And I hear these—I travel all over the world. In hostage square, they talk about you reverentially. It’s really quite amazing. I sometimes wish that I had a cam recorder with me and I could I could put you right there as I listened to it.”
The businessman, 68, saved his cringiest line for last.
“Your team is nothing short of incredible, and there’s only one thing I wish for—that the Nobel Committee finally gets its act together and realizes that you are the single finest candidate since the Nobel Peace (sic), this Nobel award was ever talked about to receive that reward,” he said. “Beyond your success is game-changing out in the world today. And I hope everybody one day wakes up and realizes that.”
Some in Trump’s cabinet muttered “amen” after Witkoff finished his spiel.
Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent also arrived at Tuesday’s meeting with prepared praise.
The 63-year-old told Trump that he is “restoring trust to government.”
“As we’ve said very often, economic security is national security, and our country has never been so secure thanks to you,” Bessent said. “You have brought us back from the edge.”
Next up was Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins. She shared an anecdote about her son, who just started classes at Texas A&M University.
The 53-year-old thanked the president for supposedly “saving college football,” said she was glad that Republicans were “taking back” Labor Day “from the Democrats,” and credited the thrice-married Trump with reinvigorating Christianity in America.
“By the way, we’re all very grateful,” she said. “The country just feels different. It just feels different. There’s such optimism and love. There’s a faith movement going through—especially with our younger Americans—and for those of us with kids in college, I know we feel it, and I experienced it firsthand last week.”
